


We’re All Healing

by alexisntedgy



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Autistic Stuart Pot, Bisexual Murdoc Niccals, Dad Russel Hobbs, Daddy Issues, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Drunk Murdoc Niccals, Family, Family Therapy, Gen, Implied Drug Abuse, Murdoc has daddy issues, Phase Five (Gorillaz), Protective Russel hobbs, Recovery, Sad Stuart "2D" Pot, autistic!2D, domestic abuse, murdoc needs therapy, noodle has daddy issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22031950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisntedgy/pseuds/alexisntedgy
Summary: Murdoc is back from prison, and he’s done irreparable damage to his band members and family over the past 20 years. He’s determined to become a better person, but it’s tricky when your very existence just doesn’t do “good”.Also, Noodle thinks family therapy is a /great/ idea!!!!!
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals & Noodle, Murdoc Niccals & Stuart "2D" Pot, Russel Hobbs & Murdoc Niccals
Comments: 22
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: canon-typical cursing 
> 
> This is angsty and I’m sad :((

When he got back from prison, from the dark and mouldy depths of the sewers, from the icy cold air of the mountains, the first thing Murdoc Niccals did was hug Stuart Pot. He’d wrapped his arms around the other man, a gesture of apology, although he knew it would never make up for the years of suffering he had put the younger man though. 

But it was a start, at the very, very least. 

2D had froze. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this. Maybe a quiet "Hello", a hand shake at the most. Not a hug, not in a million years. Not after everything that had happened between them, and now after they’d been apart for eight months and 2D had written an album that was, at times, not very kind towards Murdoc. 

Definitely not after the last time he saw Murdoc, when the man was being dragged off in a prison van, and 2D had waved goodbye, a very strange and confusing mix of emotions seeming to settle in the pit of his stomach. He felt free, and abandoned, and safe and terrified all at once. Noodle had put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into a hug as he stared at the spot where the van had been, where Murdoc had been just moments before. 

But now, Murdoc was here, with him, and hugging him. The man smelt of alcohol and cigarette smoke and some strange smell that always hung around Murdoc that 2D could never identify. The scent overwhelmed 2D, and the feeling of Murdoc’s jacket, and his dark hair and scratchy chin, and then nothing. It was over within a few seconds, and then he moved on to shake Russel’s hand. 

Noodle had been staring at Murdoc since they had arrived, a conflicted glare on her face. She’d been worried about 2D, and that was the only reason she’d agreed to help Murdoc. And now, things seemed to be going rather well, but she tried not to think about that for fear of jinxing it. 

Russel shook Murdoc’s hand firmly, his face stone cold. Murdoc looked slightly threatened, but tried to hide it, and Noodle had to stifle a laugh. Russel had been extremely protective over 2D these past few months, and he wasn’t pleased about Murdoc’s return. 

Murdoc stepped back and looked at the others, his family, he supposes. He put his hands in his jacket pockets, staring up at the sky awkwardly, pretending to be incredibly interested in the clouds. 2D was also staring at the clouds, but he was not pretending. He was truly fascinated by the shapes they made, and was only brought out of his trance when Murdoc cleared his throat loudly. 

All eyes went to him. 

“Now, I know I’ve been a dickhead to all of you. That’s not something I’m denying, I’m the fucking worst, and i know it.” 

Russel nodded sternly, his glare cutting straight through Murdoc’s mismatched eyes.

“Uh-But, I’m really, really hoping, that uh, you’ll give me a second chance? I mean, I’m sticking around whether you like it or not, but it could be-uh-nice, if we learn to get along.”

He paused and shuffled his feet a little.  
“Properly, I mean. Without the yelling, and-and the, uh, violence-“

“And the abuse.” Russel muttered bitterly, just loudly enough that everyone could hear it. 

“And the kidnappin’.” 2D added, wringing his fingers and looking up to meet Murdoc’s eyes. 

Murdoc looked down and nodded, feeling strangely guilty and rather small. He wasn’t used to feeling small. He was Murdoc Fucking Niccals, he was huge, and scary, and better than everybody else who walked the earth. 

But not really, and not right now. 

Murdoc nodded, humming quietly. He let out a little laugh. “Y-Yes, and those.” He shook his head and smiled, trying to make the situation humorous, but all he got in return were cold glares. Noodle turned to look directly at him. “It’s not funny.” She spat, venom lacing her words. 

Murdoc nodded. “Of course not, Love. Shit-I’m not good at this kind of thing, you know that.”

“All I’m trying to say is: I promise, from the bottom of my deep, black soul, to not harm any of you, ever again.”

Two out of three stares were menacing and disbelieving, quiet and cold. 

But 2D’s was different. Hopeful, maybe. His eyes stared up at Murdoc, unsure as to whether he should believe his promise or not. 

Russel put his arm around 2D’s shoulders, and Noodle stepped closer to 2D. 

“You’d better fucking not.” She said. 

Murdoc looked her straight in the eyes, and sighed. “I promise i will try my best.”


	2. Panic Attacks and Faust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2D is panicking over Murdoc’s return, but Noodle and Katsu are always there to help him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: descriptions of domestic violence, canon-typical domestic violence is described, panic attacks, implied abuse

His heart is beating, faster and faster and faster, and his breath goes in and out like the wind, fast and vicious and he can’t catch it. 

2D wiped his blue hair off his forehead, sobs overcoming his body, trying his hardest to stop crying. He clawed at his eyes desperately, because he wouldn’t cry, not for him. He had lost something, his leadership of the band, yes, but something else as well that he couldn’t quite identify. Murdoc’s return had stirred a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time, something dark and sad that had swallowed him whole in the past, and very well could again. 

He gripped onto the edge of his bed like it was a lifeline, gritting gapped teeth and looking up hopelessly at nothing, his room empty. 

He loved Murdoc. Murdoc was all 2D had ever known, or it seemed like it, at least. He was the one constant in his life, and if he wasn’t with him, he was looming over him, ready to come back at any moment. Murdoc was something 2D could grip to, and maybe he didn’t know any better, but Murdoc seemed like the only option out there for 2D. 

Murdoc truly was inevitable.

2D also really, really hated Murdoc. He despised him, his gross remarks and the way he always smelled of whisky, but still, 2D stayed. 

He really didn’t know why. 

2D was having a panic attack over Murdoc Niccals. And that’s not normal, or healthy.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about him, the man who was downstairs, and the way he used to grab 2D’s throat and push him against a wall and choke all the air from his lungs. How 2D’s vision would turn spotty and fade, the sound of Russel running to save him as he lost consciousness. The way he’d wake up afterwards, and little Noodle would look at him with wide eyes, concerned, and give him a hug. 

And 2D would stay, again. 

And again.

And now, he’s staying again, because Murdoc promised. Because he swore it would be different, that he was a changed man, and even if some tiny rational part of 2D’s brain knew it wasn’t true, he wanted so badly to believe it was. That this was their chance at being friends, true friends, that loved each other and cared about each other. 

Even the thought of that made 2D sob harder, his right hand on his pill bottle, his left gripping his bed. He didn’t usually break down like this, not since Murdoc left. He’d pushed it to the back of his mind, pretended he didn’t exist. 

But Murdoc did exist. 

2D rocked back and forth on his bed at a quickening pace, rubbing his hands together and humming a tearful song. "Stimming", his therapist called it. 

It made him feel better, like magic running through his fingers, restoring him. 

His bedroom door suddenly came swinging open and hit the wall behind it, and 2D flinched and covered his ears. He closed his eyes, worried about who had just entered his bedroom, but his anxiety on that front was alleviated as he heard a soft voice with a Japanese accent talk to him. 

"Oh, ‘D-" Noodle walked into the room, closing the door behind her, and sat on the bed next to 2D. She pulled his hands away from his head, something she knew he didn’t mind her doing, and put them into her own. She rubbed circles onto his back as the man choked back sobs, sobs that were now slowly but surely calming down. 2D started speaking, his words slurred and interrupted by sobs. 

"W-w-why di’ he do those things, Noodle?" He asked desperately, his big, black eyes staring up into hers. "Why is he ‘ere now? Is he go-going to do those things again? W-where do we go from here, I..." He trailed off, his sobs turning to sniffles as Noodle continued rubbing his back, before she spoke, soft and quiet. "I don’t know why he did those things to you, ‘D. But I do know that you didn’t deserve any of it. You deserve so, so much better than all of this." She sighed and looked away. "But... it is what it is. And he’s back now, and there’s nothing we can do about it, unless we want to leave, and I don’t particularly want to do that right now."

The young woman pulled 2D into a hug, and he accepted, a little stiffly at first, his long arms wrapping around his younger sister. She put one hand up to his hair and ran her fingers through it gently, and 2D rocked back and forth slowly as she did it, sniffling quietly. She started humming, slow and deep, in a way that reverberated across the both of them, filling 2D’s chest with warmth. 

He quietly joined her humming, recognising the tune to Faust, and quietly started whispering the lyrics: 

"After a hard day, 

It’s time to wake up, 

I need to make up, 

After a hard day"

Noodle started harmonising her parts, smiling when she realised 2D was no longer crying at all, although he still looked a little sad. They pulled apart quietly as they finished the song, and 2D smiled a toothy grin. "You’re pretty good at cheerin’ people up, Noods." He said with full honestly. Noodle smiled and ruffled his hair. "Thanks, D."

There was a quiet noise in the hallway, and Noodle shook up and peaked around the corner of 2D’s door, looking back and smirking at 2D when she saw who it was. She left the room for a few seconds and returned with a grumpy-looking Katsu in her arms, looking like he wanted so badly to escape her grasp but just couldn’t be bothered. 

2D’s face lit up when he saw the creature, he loved Katsu even if Katsu didn’t love him. Noodle plopped Katsu down on 2D’s bed and scratched behind his ears, and Katsu purred quietly. 2D lay down on the bed and mimicked the sound, looking into Katsu’s eyes deeply. 

Noodle stood back and pulled out her phone, quickly switching it to the camera app and capturing the moment in all it’s glory: 2D lying on his bed at eye level with Katsu, who looked pretty bored actually, but whatever. 2D was humming a low sound similar to katsu’s purring, and looked very deep in thought. She snapped a picture and smiled, quietly first bumping the air. 

"That’s going on my Instagram."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually kinda fluffy 🥺🥺 also this is not 2nu at all so pls don’t interpret it like that,,, 2nu is ew and makes me uncomfy


	3. Cold, Hard Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: descriptions of violence, canon-typical violence, referenced drug use, domestic violence. Gorillaz stuff, ya know

It was dinner time in the Gorillaz household, not an incredibly fascinating event- usually, they wouldn’t even eat together, just grab some form of sustenance from the fridge whenever they needed it, or remember that they needed it. But not today, because they had special guests coming. Damon and Jamie were coming over for dinner, in an effort to celebrate Murdoc’s return to the band. 

Russel had set the table meticulously, plates pristine, despite these guests being not at all fancy, or abnormal. Although, Russel had to admit it had been a while since he’d last seen the pair- obviously they’d helped make videos and Damon had even done a few lines for the album, but once the album had been released and everything was finished, they’d kept to themselves for a while. 

2D was excited to see Damon and Jamie again, maybe a little too excited. He was set on the idea of being the "waiter" for the night, handing out plates of food and what-not, but right now he was engaged in a very serious-sounding conversation with one Murdoc Niccals, as the latter was preparing the mixed drinks for the night. 

2D sat on the stool in front of the counter Murdoc was behind, and Russel gave a quiet laugh as 2D rocked the chair precariously back and forth- you’d really think he would’ve learnt by now, the amount of times he’d tipped over doing that. 

2D was chattering in a low voice about something, he had a very serious facial expression as he talked, and Murdoc was engaging in the conversation through the use of words such as "fascinating ", "hmm" and "uh huh?". His nerves were clearly becoming more and more frayed with each word 2D spoke, and Russel found it incredibly entertaining to watch. 

He decided to step in, because being around 2D again was already difficult for Murdoc. He was so used to treating the man terribly, it was just the only response he had to Stuart’s existence at this point. As much as Russel hated it, he still had to protect the younger man to a degree. It was ridiculous, he really should be able to trust Murdoc to do the bare minimum to not be a dickhead, but this was Murdoc. 

Russel stepped forward, "what are we talking about here then, D?" Murdoc gave Russel a look of exasperated gratefulness, and he turned away from the counter to continue mixing the rather strange-smelling drinks. 2D looked up at Russel for a second, dark eyes spacey, and snapped out of his monologue, before continuing:

"’M sayin’ that it’s not good that so many people don’t worry about the state of our pavements. They’re incredibly messy, with all tha’ rubbish on it- not a good look for our country, I don’t fink." He put his hands on his hips, the seriousness he radiated was almost comedic. Russel nodded in understanding. "Yeah, especially for folks who use wheelchairs, or people with impaired vision. There’s too many hazards and things." 

2D smiled, glad somebody understood his plight. "That’s exactly what I’ve been sayin’. The other day, I tripped over a giant brick on the path- it was just sittin’ there, no warning or nothing! And I fell face first. Not fun. It’s a public safety hazard, really, especially for the elderly-"

Russel knew this rant was going to go on for quite a while, now, and tuned out at this point. He thought about other, more pressing world issues that had nothing to do with the quality of the world’s pavements, before turning his attention to the loud music that had just been switched on.

"Should I add some blur to this playlist? Or is that too cheesy?" Noodle asked, turning the radio up so it almost drowned her voice out. She looked up at Russel, but just as he was about to answer her question, so,ebony else answered. 

"No, it’s all shit really. Albarn thinks he knows music, and yeah, he’s alright, I’ll give him that. But I’m not having any of his stuff on in my household, not while he’s here at least. Not that it’s embarrassing, but because the man’s got to know I have taste, right?" Murdoc said as he squinted at the label of a bottle of hot sauce, which looked like it had passed it’s best before date a good 30 years ago, and tipped a large amount into one of the drinks. "And my taste just happens to be anything that isn’t him." 

Russel sighed as he continued to "listen" to 2D’s rant about pavements. Noodle looked at Murdoc. "Wouldn’t it be a sign of respect to play their music? To show that we welcome them and all." She pushed her hair back and tied it up with a hairband she’d wrapped around her wrist, and headed to the kitchen. 

Murdoc scowled. "They’re not bloody fancy or anything, they come over nearly every bloody week, don’t they? Why do we need to show respect for them?" He continued grumbling under his breath as he started working on the last drink. 

Noodle opened her mouth to retaliate, but then decide it would be safer to not say anything at all. She didn’t really have the time to explain to Murdoc that basic respect was something most people except you to treat them with. 

The song changed and 2D suddenly stopped his rant, looking up and smiling as he heard the opening for London Calling. He jumped off the stool he was sitting on, or he tried to jump, before remembering he was 40 and lived with chronic pain. He gave Noodle a wide grin and she returned it, glad to see her brother being interested in something that wasn’t pavements.

She took his hand and they danced around, 2D stepping on her feet, but managing to hold rhythm. It was funny, that. Normally the man was so clumsy, always getting into accidents and banging into things. It was not at all uncommon to hear a loud crashing noise somewhere in the studio, followed by a quiet "ow", and then the sound of Noodle walking towards the scene to asses the damage. 

But when Stu was roller-skating, or dancing, he had such skill. He wasn’t perfect, that’s for sure, but it was surprising just how good he was. He could move back and forth, his willowy frame waving around like some kind of strangely artistic ghost. 

2D towered over Noodle’s 5’2 frame, and he spun his sister around with a good amount of grace, pulling her away from him and then back in as the music changed around them. Russel laughed from his seat, he loved seeing them happy, smiling, alive. He wished they could always be like that, but unfortunately, the world was not always such a nice place. 

London Calling came to an end, which was probably a good thing really, as Murdoc had started to grumble at the antics of the two youngest band members. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and stepped outside, something he wouldn’t usually care to do, but Noodle had demanded all cigarettes be smoked outside for the sake of their guests, who were due to arrive in thirty minutes.

Noodle stepped away from the living room floor as the song changed to the Beatle’s "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds", and 2D began some bizarre ritualistic interpretive dance. She smiled softly to herself at the sight, before turning to Russel and striking up a conversation about something vague but interesting. 

2D continued his dazed dancing, staring up at the ceiling as he spun around and around and around in a dizzying sequence that ended with him falling to the floor, giggling deliriously. He lifted a hand up in front of his face and studied it, the room still spinning. It was long and bony, almost malnourished looking, but he knew he’d had enough to eat. He’d been making sure of it lately, that he’d been getting enough to eat and enough sleep and that he’d been talking to his therapist. 

Well, Noodle and Russel had been making sure of it, really, but he’d been listening to them.

2D decided to stand up, albeit slowly, and drag his long arms to his sides, letting his head settle into the new altitude. He smiled as he stood, letting the dizziness embody him for just a second, before heading out the door to the balcony. 

He walked out to see a certain green bassist smoking a cigarette, dangling it loosely between two fingers and looking out at the street with a sad gaze. 2D didn’t know he was destroying the delicate peace Murdoc had found by stepping into his space. 

Looking back, he probably shouldn’t have done that. But foresight was never Stuart’s strong point. 

2D walked out, a smile on his face, obnoxiously happy. He gave a gap-toothed smile at Murdoc, who made eye contact and then looked away, not making a single sound. "I was just dancin’. I fink you probably saw me, yeah? I’d say I’m getting pretty good, bu’ I still need a bit more practice, I think." 2D held his hands together and rubbed them, the movement familiar and calming. 

Murdoc grunted and shot 2D a glare, once again, probably should’ve been a warning sign, but Start didn’t notice it. He looked right past Murdoc, stepping closer to the balcony’s edge and staring out at the humble street their London HQ was situated in. 

2D would be lying if he said he wasn’t conflicted about Murdoc’s return. He wasn’t stupid, no matter how many people said he was- he knew he was smart, really, just not in the same way as other people. He didn’t think like them, or speak like them, but he knew he was no less clever. That was something he’d learnt while Murdoc was in prison. Something Russel and Noodle had tried to drill into his brain, and it certainly worked, to an extent. 

But 2D had missed Murdoc, and hated him, and cried for him, and he’d woken up in the middle of the night and cried while smoking questionable substances a few too many times while Murdoc had been gone. He knew it was Stockholm syndrome, really, but also, he was convinced it wasn’t. It’s in the name, he guesses. 

His brain was all muddled, and maybe it still is a bit. But Stuart was trying his hardest to be friends with Murdoc again, like he didn’t need him to breathe, like he didn’t need his fist against his face just to feel alive. 

God, he hated it. 

2D was lingering by Murdoc’s shoulder, towering over the older man’s seated figure, and he out a hand on Murdoc’s shoulder. Murdoc stayed silent as 2D started a monologue. "You know, I think it’s really quite bizarre, the fact that we keep letting pavements get so, well, not good. It’s really bad for public health n’ safety, innit, really?"

"And I suppose it’s the civilian’s fault, in a way, since really they wouldn’t do nothin’ unless we complained about it, yeah? So I’m thinkin’, we should start a protest, right? And-"

Murdoc turned his head, sharp and quick, locking eyes with 2D. 

"I. Don’t. Care. About. Your. Fucking. Pavements."

That wasn’t bad. By Murdoc’s standards, it was a miracle he’d been quiet for this long. That really, really should have been the final warning, he should’ve walked away and gone inside and helped Russel make dinner while dancing around with Noodle. 

"But it does affect you, as a citizen of this country-"

Murdoc drew in a sharp take of breath, and 2D didn’t know the bassist was even standing until Murdoc’s fist collided with his face, in a blended sensation of pain and the taste of blood in his mouth and the sound of his head hitting the concrete balcony, and it hurt, and it felt so, so, so normal, and he needed this, but it hurt.

He watched as Murdoc stood over him, and he could almost see the battle in his eyes, the way he was screaming on the inside, but the fight was over in a second, and Murdoc bent down, looking at 2D’s face, and 2D could’ve sworn he was going to hold out a hand, help him up, when the second blow hit, and he realised this was what his life was, this was forever. Ever since the crash, there was nothing else, just Murdoc and pain and Murdoc and pain. 

Murdoc had snapped. It was a miracle it handy happened sooner, but now 2D was starting to cry. Normally he wouldn’t give Murdoc the satisfaction, but he’d promised, and 2D had believed that promise. 

Maybe Murdoc had believed it as well. 

2D heard as Noodle and Russel came rushing out, the shouting, Russel took Murdoc by the arms and held him back, and 2D saw a tear slip from Murdoc’s eye as he struggled, and the world was going blurry and watery and spotty, and then Noodle was kneeling beside him, her hand in his hair. She was whispering something, something quiet and soothing and he didn’t know what it was but it was nice. And her hand was running through his hair, and then the world went dark. 

He should’ve known. 

Noodle watched 2D as he slept on the couch, a tear in her eye. She was sitting next to him, holding his hand, and singing quietly in Japanese. He had an ice pack on his face, and she wasn’t totally sure he was actually sleeping, but he was very quiet. 

She hadn’t seen Murdoc in two hours, he’d gone off to his room after the fight, and Russel had shouted at him for a solid 30 minutes before finally letting him rest. 

Noodle was fucking pissed. How dare Murdoc do that, how dare he hurt 2D again when he had promised he would never, ever do it again. It really was not that hard to not beat up people, but Murdoc seemed to struggle with it somehow. 

How dare he. 

Noodle knew he had good in him, and that he was capable of showing that good, but he wasn’t showing it right now. 

He would, in time. She knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the angst also I hate Murdoc :(


	4. Tell me the truth, even now we’re over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noodle knows something is wrong with one of the inhabitants of the new Kong Studios, and eavesdrops on a tender and sad conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh I need to learn to write stuff that isn’t heart-wrenchingly sad I’m so sorry

It was 2am, and something was wrong. 

Noodle had been woken up by a bizarre sensation, a worrying tremor in her heart that told her something was not quite right somewhere in the house. But that was normal, ordinary, it happened all the time. She’d accepted her role as the older sister, despite being the youngest of the group by far. 

The studios felt quiet, but dark and all-enveloping, something she had grown accustomed to since she was a very small child. The feeling of not being entirely alone, quiet whispers in the night, things that came with Kong Studios- even now, with a new building and much older inhabitants. 

Noodle left the false safety of her bed, her white nightgown flowing around her ankles. She often felt like a grandmother when she wore that particular nightgown- it was soft, and light, and although she had never had a grandmother, she supposed this was the sitting of thing one might wear to sleep. 

She tip-toed out of her room, quietly, carefully, with the ease and skill you would expect from a trained super-soldier. The corridor was long and dark, but she was more worried about her band members right now. It was almost as though she was psychic, the way she detected their worries and fear. She knew for certain that right now, somebody in this house was struggling. 

And Noodle was determined to help them. 

She heard the quiet pitter-patter of cat paws behind her, and smirked as Katsu ran ahead, on the lookout for danger. His expression was that of seriousness, as though he believed he was some kind of guard dog- or guard cat, if you will. 

She picked up her pace, catching up with Katsu, before she reached Russel’s bedroom first. There was no noise coming from the room, but she knew that Russel’s room was soundproofed so he could drum in it at night, so that was useless knowledge. Noodle quietly pushed the door open, and, as she expected, Russel was quietly asleep in his bed, his breathing steady and the blankets wrapped around him. 

Noodle smiled and closed the door, happy with her findings, before heading off to the next bedroom. 

She walked to the stairwell and fast-walked down them, her bare feet agile, Katsu right behind her. The stairwell was fairly terrifying at the best of times, but at 2am it was even more so, and Noodle would be lying if she had said she wasn’t at all scared. 

She went down one flight of stairs before stepping into the corridor, quickening her pace as she walked towards 2D’s bedroom. She stopped right before his room when she heard low, quiet voices, speaking in soft words. 

"I don’t know how- it’s not something that’s- that’s built into me, D, I-" 

Noodle recognised Murdoc’s voice, and now knew this was a very private conversation. 

But she decided to stay anyway, to, uh, listen in. 

"I don’ fink there’s too much of an excuse, really. I think you’re a very clever man- you are, you are- bu’ I’ve learnt- the way you’ve been treatin’ me, it’s not okay, Muds." 2D’s voice echoed through the hallway from the crack under the door.

"I don’t want to hurt you-" his voice broke- "there’s no part of me that sets out to do that, my brain doesn’t work right, I- I want so bad to do better. For you, for Noods, for Russ, I- for the sake of the band."

"It’s always the band, though, innit. Who cares about my wellbeing, and my life, and Noodle’s life, and Russel, as well."

"I care about you lot more than- than a lot of things, okay? You’re my family, I suppose, it’s not something that will ever change, not in my eyes."

"We aren’t family. ‘M just the idiot boy you took on because you needed a pretty face and a good voice. I don’t mean anythin’, I’m just hear it make you money, we all are."

There was the sound of light movement, somebody shifting on the bed. 

"I have money. If money was all I wanted, I would’ve gone off on a bender and left you lot behind by now."

2D snorted. 

"You do that every summer, mate."

There was quiet, soft laughter, which quickly quietened down. A silence extended for ten seconds at the most, and Noodle held her breath for fear of getting caught. Finally, Murdoc broke the silence. "Don’t call yourself Stupid. I know I called you that for a very long time, but you’re not, not really. You’re very clever, especially musically."

2D gave a soft sigh. "You don’t need ta’ pretend, Muds. I am an idiot, that’s jus’ factual, really. I dun’ mind, though. It’s-"

"You’re not stupid, Stuart." 

Once again, somebody shifted on the bed. 

"You’re just different. You’re- listen, I know we hardly ever say it, but legally, and medically, you are disabled. That’s not a bad thing, D- you experience things differently- for fuck’s sake, you were diagnosed with autism just this February. You can’t call yourself stupid because you’re not, you just see things differently."

There was a quiet sniffling noise, then a quiet sob. 

"You’ve never said somethin’ so nice to me."

There was a pause as 2D let out another quiet sob- "I hope to make it a more regular thing, mate." Murdoc said, his voice teary as well.

"Listen, I’m gonna head out-"

Noodle cursed under her breath as she heard Murdoc get up, looking around the hallway for somewhere to hide. She spotted the cupboard built in it the wall that they used to store linen, and she quickly ran over to it, quietly opening the door with minimal squeaking. 

For a few moments, all she heard was nothingness, her eyes adjusting to the dark just as the door to 2D’s bedroom opened quietly. She heard the sound of footsteps, quietly walking in the general direction of the cupboard, and she held her breath. 

The footsteps stopped in front of the cupboard, and Noodle questioned for just a moment whether it was actually not Murdoc, and just a ghost, before Murdoc himself spoke. 

"I meant it, you know. All of it. I’m- I’m trying my hardest, Noods. For all of us. Th-thank you." 

The footsteps quickly retreated, and Noodle was left breathing softly in the pitch-black silence, deciding that she would figure all these emotions out on another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(


	5. eggs and emergencies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, at this point, this story is canon-divergent! That’s okay, if Jamie won’t let me have my redemption arc I shall have to do it myself

Things had gone back to normal fast enough, and Noodle never did bring up the conversation she’d overheard. She truly hoped Murdoc was telling the truth, but something inside her knew that even if he was telling the truth, from the bottom of his heart, there was something inside him that could stop him from following through on his promise. 

She knew Murdoc had reasons for his violent behaviour. Reasons, but definitely not excuses. There could never be any excuse for the way he had treated his band members over the years, especially the way he’d treated 2D. For a long time, Noodle had felt like she was nothing to Murdoc. When you father-figure replaces you like you’re nothing to him, it really messes with your brain, and it took a lot of thinking and therapy and meditation to get through it all. 

She’d been going to therapy for quite a while now, since she got back from her journey across the world, and she knew 2D had a therapist as well, who he saw quite often. She had wanted to bring up the idea of family therapy for quite a while, but now was definitely not the time. 

"We’re out of eggs. We’ve been out of eggs for weeks. I haven’t had an egg in at least two weeks." Moaned Murdoc, putting his head in his hands dramatically. Noodle got up form the dining table and out her now empty bowl in the sink. "I’m sure you can survive for a little while." 

Murdoc let out a groan as Noodle walked towards the lounge room to see what 2D was watching. "I miss eggs." 

Noodle sighed as she sat down on the couch next to 2D, who was focused on the television. "What are you watchin’?" She asked, putting one leg over the other and bouncing the one on top enthusiastically. When she got no response, she repeated herself, and 2D looked over at her, confused for a moment, before smiling at her presence, which he clearly had only just noticed. 

"It’s this new documentary, Louis Theroux, it’s about that mad church in America-" Noodle partially tuned out as 2D started rambling about the contents of the show, and turned her attention to the documentary itself. 

Looking at the camera quality, she highly doubted it was as new as 2D said, especially since Louis Theroux had created the Westboro Baptist Church films some almost ten years ago. 2D often assumed that whatever was playing on TV had been recently released. The idea of re-runs could seem a little foreign to the man. 

The film cut to a scene with people holding signs with homophobic rhetoric written all over them, and she scoffed. "What idiots.", She commented, moving to lie down on the couch. She threw her legs over 2D’s lap and grabbed blindly for a cushion, which she failed to find. "Murdoc!" She called, knowing that he was just in the kitchen. 

Murdoc walked into the room, the click-clack of his heels marking his presence. He rolled his eyes at the sight of Noodle and 2D. "Whaddaya want?" He asked, leaning against the wall that separated the kitchen from the lounge room. 

Noodle flung her hand over her head dramatically, sighed, and turned her head to face Murdoc. "I need a cushion. Desperately." 

Murdoc rolled his eyes. 

"What? It’s an emergency!" She said with sarcastic annoyance, watching as Murdoc walked over to the other couch and pulled a cushion from it. He then walked over the her and placed it haphazardly but gently under her head. He paused as he was about to walk away, and made the move to ruffle her hair. She reached up to ruffle his in return. 

"Thank you!" She called out after him as he walked away. 

Finally comfortable, she moved to focus on the documentary more intensely, but 2D seemed to have other plans. "Uh, Noodle?" He asked, sheepishly. She looked at him, met his eyes, and shook her head. "Nope. Not moving." 

"Bu’ I need the toilet!" 2D complained, getting only an evil grin in response. He pulled out his phone and dialled a number she couldn’t see, but she still knew who it was anyway. 

"Ru-uss!" 2D complained into the phone, and Noodle heard the deep tones of Russel’s voice speaking in return. "I need the loo, but Noods is lyin’ on me an’ she won’t move-" He got cut off by Russel’s voice again, although noodle couldn’t tell what he was saying. "Yeah, alright, sweet." 2D finished, putting the phone back in his pocket. 

2D smiled smugly for five minutes, looking at the tv screen, before Russel came in. Noodle knew he was sneaking up behind her- super-soldier training will do that to you- but decided to play along anyway. She shrieked in false surprise when Russel picked her up from behind the couch, lifting her up and walking out of the room with her. She protested and laughed at the same time, and Russel grinned. 

She turned her head as they exited to see 2D laughing hysterically as he stood up and followed them out of the room. 

She liked when it was like this, nice and cozy and fun, not violent or sour or bitter. The sound of hers and 2D’s laughter, mixed with Russel’s heartbeat, was something she wished could be immortalised forever.


End file.
